Dear George: Condi Obsessed With Butt Sex?
June 29th, 2006Savage Love
by Dan Savage
Q. I’m a straight female who’s been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for three years. I’m also a politically connected woman, a very “in control” type, and when I say “no” I mean “no.” I was born in Alabama, play the piano, and was a professor at Stanford University for a while. I currently hold a high-ranking position in Washington, D.C., and I have a tattoo of George W. Bush on my right breast. Other than that, I’ve always been an average gal, especially in bed, but now I’m in a real “state.”
My problem goes back to the beginning of the relationship. In the very beginning, my boyfriend tried to lick and finger my ass. I very firmly told him to stop, that anal sex totally disgusted me, and that I would never allow anything - his cock included - into my butt. Needless to say, I hurt his feelings, but for a couple of years he respected my demands. However, during the past year I’ve allowed him to perform analingus on me, finger me there, and even let him insert a narrow vibrator. At first I found this disgusting, but I let him play there just to avoid hurting his feelings. Soon I came to enjoy the sexual stimulation it gave me, but I didn’t tell him that I liked it. Last month, after way too much to drink, he tried to slip his cock in my ass, and I finally let him in. Oh my God! What a fantastic experience. Talk about fireworks! Just thinking about it turns me on. But at the same time I feel guilty for having done it, because I think it’s dirty and that only sluts do that. I never told him how much I liked it. We’ve made love since then, but he avoids my butt like he used to. I’d love to do it again, but can’t bring myself to ask for it. Is there any way that I can have the best of both worlds? Thank you. Can’t Openly Naturally Discuss Interest
PS: If possible, could you please print this letter? He reads your column faithfully, and if he sees it he just might get up his courage and try again.
A. Here’s your letter, CONDI. Hopefully your boyfriend will read it, recognize you, and find the courage to bang away at your ass without making you beg for it first, thereby preventing you from having to admit what a dirty little butt-sex-obsessed slut you are.
Well! It looks like my work here is done. But before we move on, a word of warning to others out there who think they recognize CONDI. This butt-sex-obsessed slut included tons of identifying details in her letter: age, height, weight, profession, hair color, location - everything short of a Google map to her apartment. CONDI did this, of course, because she wanted to make damn sure her boyfriend recognized himself and her when he read the letter. What CONDI didn’t anticipate, it seems, were the odds that her friends, family, and co-workers might also read the letter and recognize her. Since I’m pretty certain CONDI didn’t intend to out herself to everyone she knows as an ankle-grabbin’, pillow-chompin’, butt-sex-lovin’ slut, I changed one or two identifying details in an effort to preserve her anonymity.
Unfortunately, there is now a small risk that CONDI’s boyfriend won’t recognize himself or her, which would defeat the whole purpose of running CONDI’s letter. (Hint for CONDI’s boyfriend: She doesn’t really have a George W. Bush tattoo on her right breast - I made that part up!) There’s also a chance that the details I invented to throw CONDI’s friends and family off her musky scent might match some other woman out there whose personal and professional history, by sheer coincidence, happens to match the one I’ve invented for CONDI. This could result in that person being on the receiving end of some unwanted anal attention. That’s a risk we’re just going to have to take.
Tags: Condoleezza Rice
