The War Between the States is Finally Almost Over

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Unfortunately Our Long Alabama Nightmare Continues
The Big Picture –
By Glynn Wilson

JEFFERSON COUNTY, Ala. — The so-called leaders of Alabama’s Republican party honestly remind me of the last Rebs at Gettysburg, still willing to charge up Big Roundtop hill one more time for “the cause” in the face of certain defeat and death.

I honestly wish the Obama administration could get ATnT to hand over copies of Mike Hubbard’s private conversations at the hunting lodge. I suspect there are some in that crowd who still, 147 years after the Confederate surrender at Appomattox, long for the slave labor economy and the accompanying lifestyle for the white man. It would be interesting to see the conversation on YouTube.

They had their election night party in a gun shop and firing range, after all. I imagine there were a few antique weapons there, maybe some balls and powder.

Even the Republicans’ new token black spokesman, Artur Davis — who tried to fight the final battle of the Civil War a bit too soon and failed — still doesn’t get on what side of history he’s cast himself. Not with his friend in the White House from Harvard Law School and the promise of a peacefully diverse future, but with the likes of Mike Hubbard, who clings to a past that would have Davis picking cotton for nothing.

Many Americans and Alabamians were heartened by President Barack Obama’s election night address promising a willingness to overcome political gridlock. He said he looked forward to “reaching out and working with leaders of both parties to meet the challenges we can ONLY solve together.”

But down in Alabamaland where the president garnered less than 40 percent of the vote, the Speaker of the House threw down the proverbial gauntlet, one more freaking time.

“To paraphrase President Ford, our long national nightmare continues,” Republican leader Mike Hubbard told the Birmingham News, the official conservative Republican media outlet in my home state. Hubbard talked about how disappointed he was that the rest of the nation didn’t see it his way, and he repeated the tired old cliches we’ve learned to expect from this Republican Party.

He claimed Obama’s reelection “guarantees us four more years of bloated federal government, mounting national debt and the on-going erosion of our freedoms and liberties by an increasingly liberal Supreme Court.”

Nevermind that it was the Bush administration, aided by Congressmen like Davis who voted for the Patriot Act and to exempt phone and cable companies from lawsuits for illegally spying on Americans, which took our Fourth Amendment freedoms.

Not to mention it was Karl Rove, Bill Canary and the “activist conservative judges” on the Alabama Supreme Court who took away our Sixth Amendment jury rights.

“My fellow Republican lawmakers and I are ready to stand in the breach and defend our rights and Alabama values from the attacks that Obama will continue to launch in our direction,” Hubbard said, and somehow you believe he would do it too, charge up Big Roudtop with a musket and a bayonet, a yellowhammer stitched to his sleeve.

When asked about the Republican branding problem, Hubbard took out Rush Limbaugh’s old sword, and tried to blame it all on the media.

“I don’t believe the Republican Party has a ‘branding’ problem,” he said, “but I do think the national media has a serious liberal bias problem. In college football, it would be hard to win a national championship game if the referees are openly wearing the other team’s jersey and cheering them on to victory after each play.”

Yeah, that would be hard, but of course it would never happen. Hubbard has to know that. He’s just trying to learn how to be a lying politician. Most of his constituency gets its national news from Fox, the patriotic American news outlet for the GOP.

No, a better analogy than football is the War Between the States.

That’s where Artur Davis comes in.

Davis declared to the Birmingham News, after supposedly reading the election results, that the Alabama Democratic Party is all but dead.

“As a practical matter, the Democratic Party in Alabama barely has a pulse,” Davis said.


Did he forget to check the election results in his home county, Jefferson County, the largest and most populous county in the state? Democrats totally swept every race and ran some long-time Republicans out of office.

Of course the Republicans have done a thorough job of gerrymandering the state into mostly Republicans districts, with the exception of the 7th — where they’ve clumped most of the African American vote. It just so happens to also include my vote, in one of the oldest and largest formerly white flight suburbs in the country.

This is the modern equivalent of “let’s send them all back to Africa,” a plan at one time even considered by Abraham Lincoln, if memory serves. Here they just draw the lines to lump them all in with Perry County in the Black Belt.

No, Mr. Hubbard, your long nightmare is just beginning. Ours is about to be at an end.

The world you are trying to hang onto like those boys who charged up Big Roundtop is crumbling down around you. The rest of us are moving on.

This election may have been the final battle of the Civil War nationally, but we’ve still got a few more little skirmishes to clean up down here in the South.

Don’t worry, Mr. President. We’re on it.

Meanwhile, has anyone else noticed that all the big corporate offices for the phone companies are now based in Dallas, Texas? I knew ATnT was there since the old Southwest Bell took over all the baby bells and put the monopoly back together again. But I just noticed the corporate address on my new Verizon MiFi bill. They’re in Dallas too.

Perhaps the Obama Justice Department ought to have a look at that for possible anti-trust action.

While you’re over there, see if you can find those phone records too. You might find some other juicy stuff. You know our e-mail inbox is always open for leaks : )

© 2012, Glynn Wilson. All rights reserved.

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