Get Up Off Your Couch and Protest Immediately

The Big Picture
by Glynn Wilson

There’s a conspiracy afoot, and the good tea party folks and great commentators at Fox News are not going to like it.

No one in the Obama administration will send out a press release to announce it either. Oh, they are such behind the scenes manipulators like the American people have never seen before.

Yes, it is such a dramatic and diabolical conspiracy that if he were alive today, Mark Twain would break out the aged whiskey and the good cigars and call a conference in Concord to discuss it at great length.

It is not such a quick and easy point that you can bring it down on people like an anvil shot from a cannon onto their heads. It is not something you can get across in a Facebook comment or a Twitter tweet. No, this is such an awful and compelling tale that you have to spend the time to construct an entire blog post to get the point across.

Now we know this is not something the modern human mind is equipped to handle. Just a few years back, you might have been able to get folks to understand with a sound byte on TeeVee. Now it is hard to get folks to even click on the link from a post on Facebook. They figure if you can’t get the point across in a partial sentence, it ain’t worth contemplating at all.

But let me tell you, this story is worth the time and effort on a Saturday or a Sunday. But be forewarned. It is such a shocker that if he had any inkling of the disaster that lies ahead, my good friend old fat and stupid Rush Limbaugh would likely keel over in his chair in the radio studio with a massive coronary.

You see, my friends, President Barack Obama, you know, the part African-American part Asian non-citizen that now leads the greatest nation on earth who has no chance of reelection, sent an envoy down to Birmingham, Alabama this week to preach the gospel against the biggest evildoers who inhabit the suburbs of America these days, you know those modern day loan sharks known as “Payday Lenders.”

New U.S. Consumer Watchdog Makes First Appearance in Birmingham

Obama’s new advocate or watchdog for consumers, or “Socialist Czar of the People,” if you will, Richard Cordray, preached such a fiery and anti-American sermon that it is a wonder the entire American Tea Party was not on hand to protest and declare “off with his head!”

Instead, there were only three lone protesters, all of them black Democrats, there to make a point about the opposition to Cordray’s appointment from Senator Richard “Dick” Shelby and Mr. Insider Trading himself, Congressman Spencer Bachus.

I mean, the very idea that Americans need someone from the federal government to watch over them. This is a conspiracy of the highest order.

Did we not learn anything from the great Ronald Reagan about pulling ourselves up by our own boot straps? Did we not learn that when a disaster strikes, like Hurricane Katrina, all we need from the federal government is for the president to fly over and look out the window of Air Force One and say how sad it all looks that people are drowning and could not get food and water for days?

“Those poor people, how sorry we all are for them, but there’s nothing we can do.” That’s all we need to hear from the president of the United States.

Did we not learn from the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that the federal government’s role in regulating the oil industry is to just snort cocaine and screw around in expensive hotel rooms with their lobbyists? Why would we need anybody on the federal payroll to look over their shoulders and suggest that they not drill too deep too fast?

That’s not the job of the fedral govmn’t, is it?

Hey, if people are too poor and stupid to know better than to borrow money from a loan shark at 456 percent interest, maybe because the big banks won’t loan them a dime to keep a roof over their heads and their employers only pay them $7 an hour, why should we care, right?

Doesn’t American democracy mean run amok corporate capitalism? Didn’t Darwin prove that survival of the fittest meant rich people live and poor people die? Isn’t that the natural order of things?

Let’s take at look at Adam Smith for minute, you know, that great Scottish philosopher who pioneered the “invisible hand” theory of capitalism that forms the basis of American economics today.

Everybody who is anybody, that is to say anybody who listens to Rush Limbaugh and watches Fox News, knows that America was founded on two great books and two great books alone: The Holy Bible and Adam Smith’s Wealth of Nations.

Those were the only two books in print in the original 13 colonies that became the United States, and no one had heard of such works as Adam Smith’s truly great first book, The Theory of Moral Sentiments. Nor had Benjamin Franklin, John Adams and Thomas Jefferson ever heard of philosophers such as Thomas Hobbes or John Lock. Those guys were strange Europeans, you know, and consorted with the likes of the French.

No, the entire American system of government was derived from one sentence Adam Smith uttered in the book with the full title Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations: “It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest. We address ourselves, not to their humanity but to their self-love, and never talk to them of our own necessities but of their advantages.”

You see, Mitt Romney is right. He should be the next president, because the true American ideal is someone who is so selfish he likes to hoard wealth and fire people. That is the true nature of Americanism, is it not?

Never mind that Mr. Smith also said this:

How selfish soever man may be supposed, there are evidently some principles in his nature, which interest him in the fortunes of others, and render their happiness necessary to him, though he derives nothing from it, except the pleasure of seeing it. Of this kind is pity or compassion, the emotion we feel for the misery of others, when we either see it, or are made to conceive it in a very lively manner. That we often derive sorrow from the sorrows of others, is a matter of fact too obvious to require any instances to prove it; for this sentiment, like all the other original passions of human nature, is by no means confined to the virtuous or the humane, though they perhaps may feel it with the most exquisite sensibility. The greatest ruffian, the most hardened violator of the laws of society, is not altogether without it.

So the truth is, and what a shocker to find out, Smith’s idea of capitalism “is far from a callous, insensitive, greed-motivated, love-of-profits-at-any-cost approach to the marketplace (ergo: Ayn Rand and Ron/Rand Paul libertarianism),” according to one recent e-mail list commenter, an economist who interprets Smith’s philosophy this way:

“Propriety of conduct undergirds all social, political and economic activities, private and public. Smith contends there is a proclivity in all people to see other’s do well so long as it does no serious harm to their interests. In Smith’s views, the participant in the marketplace is a moral person who is moved by the suffering of others and derives satisfaction from alleviating that suffering, not by aggravating it (ergo: Romney and Bain). Thus, to have an effectively operating market system, we have to have a moral society — a good society.”

That can’t be true, can it? That is not what we hear on talk radio and TeeVee. It is not what we learned in Sunday School, is it?

It is surely not the role of government, corporations or Jesus to help people, is it? Are they not bound to help themselves or die? I mean, even god said he helps only those who help themselves, right?

If President Obama’s true purpose is to send a consumer watchdog down to a conservative state like Alabama to help people, why did he not put out a press release openly declaring that he was dead set on turning America into a socialist state like Russia used to be? Could it be that this president is smart enough to figure out that people who need help want and expect the government to help? After all, is that not why we charge taxes and pay them in the first place?

Nah, that could not be true. That’s why we don’t need taxes, or a consumer advocate.

Be sure to go to the polls and vote on election day, and pull the lever for the Massachusetts Mormon. After all, everybody who is anybody knows that Joseph Smith Jr. is the true Messiah.

We must all stand up and fight this great conspiracy theory called democracy. It is killing America.

© 2012, Glynn Wilson. All rights reserved. The Locust Fork News-Journal, LocustFork.Net

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